Blissy Meditation

Getting high simply sitting still: a better salve to late-stage Capitalism than Percocet

Blissy Meditation isn’t quite the bland corporate mindfulness that will impress your boss via improvements to focus and productivity. On the other hand, it’s not likely to be your ejector seat from reality either. I don’t have the qualifications to know how much assistance it can be in your escape from the samsaric cycle of reincarnation.

What is it good for?

You’re benefiting from my dilettantism. This amalgamation of techniques ripped from a handful out of the dozens of books I’ve read on sitting practice has the potential to harmlessly get you high.

My meditation teacher suggested I might actually have reached a meditative jhana. Could be “chronic happiness.” Could simply be endogenous opiates flooding your system.

Whatever you call it, my results with this technique have been warm, full-body tingles—reminiscent of opiates—accompanying a felt sense of rapturous awe and equanimous bliss.

Is it problematic or degrading to promote a meditation technique as an alternative to Percocet? Perhaps.

But the opiate epidemic has its roots in a legitimate desire to escape the debilitating pain and chronic trauma brought on by our inescapable exploitation in the boring dystopia of late-stage capitalism. We’re each called to abandon our values and aspirations as a component of entering adulthood. We’re bombarded with attention arresting vitriol claiming the only true and important reality is the fear and fury that is both cause and effect of a brewing Civil and/or World War.

There’s a lot to worry about. Endless reasons for outrage.

You could keep up with “the backlash to the backlash to the thing that’s just begun,” or you could get yourself into a free, harmless, pleasurable altered state simply by sitting still. Vitally, a state that comes with zero risk of addiction, overdose, or constipation.

Which one really benefits the world? What are the Morphic Resonance ripple effects of bopping about, all blissy and full of love for self and other?

Enough moralizing. What’s the recipe?

It comes down to a forty-five minute sit featuring six things I learned from six different luminaries. I’ll introduce them here, then explain what they are, how to train yourself to do them, and how to deploy them during a sit.

1. The Wim Hof Method from the book by the same name.

2. Chade-Meng Tan’s approach to cultivating stillness from Search Inside Yourself

3. Ram Dass’ “Ahhh, so” method from Becoming Nobody

4. Culadasa John Yates’ breath concentration strategy from The Mind Illuminated

5. Jack Kornfield’s, “letting feelings grow as big as they want” exploration from a Spirit Rock retreat

6. Paul Selig’s Guides’ version of Metta from The Book of Love and Creation

Image made by a Creekmason using AI on our Discord Server.

Wim Hof Method for Drowsiness, Hot Boredom, and Somatic Anchoring

The Wim Hof Method is named after its creator and it basically amounts to “breathing a whole bunch and then not breathing at all.” Here’s your cues to use it:

Drowsiness: When you feel yourself beginning to droop and lose focus, The Wim Hof Method’s hyperventilation will stimulate your nervous system and get you back to the main attraction: focusing on your breath. More on that later.

Hot Boredom: “Hot” boredom is distinguished from “cold” boredom by how badly you want to move. When you get that itchy, almost painfully overwhelming desire to move altogether Wim’s breathing gives you something challenging, active and enjoyable to do besides giving up.

Somatic Anchoring: By doing the same thing at the beginning of your sit and at the point of your deepest concentration, you tell your body to be ready to go into that deep concentration right when you begin. This compounds, getting you even deeper.

Here’s the method. Do it as many times as you like, but at least twice—at the start and about two-thirds through.

1. Sit or lie comfortably, wherever you’ll be meditating.

2. Breathe sharply in, fully inflating your stomach then chest, and exhale slowly by simply letting go. Do this pretty quickly, 30-40 times.

3. After your last exhale, hold your breath for as long as you comfortably can. Don't force yourself past serious urges, but holding for around one-and-a-half minutes seems to be the sweet spot for me to start feeling tingly.

4. When you’re ready to breathe again, inhale deeply and hold for 10-15 seconds before exhaling. Bonus points if you do Kegels while holding in.

Chade-Meng Tan on Sitting Still: Moving Only with Intention and Only When the Alternative is Absolutely Insufferable

When Google went public, early engineering employee, Chade-Meng Tan, could pretty much have retired. Instead, he became Google’s “Jolly Good Fellow,” an in-house meditation teacher. Author of "Search Inside Yourself," Tan advocates for a science-based approach to meditation, and sitting still is Step 1.

If you’re just starting out, I’d recommend doing this for 10-15 mintues a day for a week or two, not caring at all what your mind does while you focus on nothing but sitting still. Eventually you'll want to build up to at least 45 minutes, however.

1. Set an Intention: Before starting your meditation, set an intention to remain as still as possible. Remind yourself that movement is reserved for times when the alternative is truly unbearable.

2. Observe Discomfort: As you meditate, you may experience physical discomfort or the urge to move. Instead of giving in to these sensations, simply observe them as they arise. You might note that pain is just an interesting intense sensation if you don’t cringe away from it and wish it would go away.

3. Move Mindfully: If the discomfort becomes genuinely intolerable, allow yourself to move, but do so with intention and mindfulness. For example, “In three breathes, I will move my right arm to scratch the itch on my face.” Don’t double up on movements.

4. Return to Stillness: You’ll notice pretty quickly that moving once is like signaling to your body that you’re available for further temptation. After a few times of scratching an itch only to have it move, really try to let yourself notice how pointless moving is.

Using Ram Dass’ “Ahhh, so” Method to Train Your Brain Like a Golden Retriever

You don’t necessarily need to say, “ahhh, so” every time you remember that you set the intention to meditate before you sat down. It might also work to say, “thanks, brain,” “that’s right, I’m meditating,” or even, “whosa good boy?” The key is to develop a gentle and friendly response to encourage that moment of clarity, just like you would when your Golden Retriever finally sat when you told him to.

This is the meat of the practice. You’re trying to get as many of those “oh, yeah, I’m supposed to be meditating!” moments as possible and reward yourself each time.

Instead of judging yourself for being distracted, try checking in with your body and intentionally cultivating pleasure. Note how comfortable your clothes are, how nice it is to be supported by a cushion or chair, or the gentle breeze from an open window. You’re basically lifting weights. Another iron pumped every time you remember to refocus on the breath.

Eventually you’ll get a burst of pleasant sensation before you realize your mind is wandering. That’s a real trip.

Culadasa John Yates’ Techniques of Counting and Following the Breath, the Meat of the Practice

Here’s the most important bit. Everything else is just getting your brain out of the way so you can accomplish this more effectively. Culadasa John Yates' approach is spelled out in the fantastic book, "The Mind Illuminated."

1. Counting the Breath: Begin by counting each breath cycle. Inhale, and as you exhale, count "one." Continue counting up to ten, and then start over. If you lose count or find your mind wandering, gently bring your focus back to your breath and start counting again. This technique helps to anchor your attention and provides an immediate and tangible goal to work towards.

2. Following the Breath: Once you're comfortable counting breaths, transition to following the breath. Pay close attention to the sensations of your breath as it moves in and out of your body. Notice the subtle rise and fall of your chest, the coolness of the air as it enters your nostrils, and the warmth as it leaves. By focusing on these sensations, you'll naturally become more present and aware.

3. Balancing Effort and Relaxation: Throughout the process, it's essential to strike a balance between effort and relaxation. Apply just enough effort to maintain your focus on the breath, but not so much that you become tense or frustrated. Likewise, remain relaxed and open, but not so much that you lose your focus or drift off.

Jack Kornfield says, “Let the Feeling Be as Big as it Wants,” Try it for Any and All Uncomfortable Emotions That Arise.

Anxiety! Despair! Frustration! Restlessness! Even if we weren’t chugging through the End Times getting still enough physically and mentally causes emotions to pour forth.

When something uncomfy arises during meditation, the first step is to acknowledge its presence. Instead of suppressing or ignoring the feeling, move toward it. Like diving into a wave on the beach instead of being knocked over by it when you’re not paying attention.

Label the emotion, then really give it the space to grow as big as it wants. Resist the urge to push it away or diminish its intensity.

Does it get as big as a natural disaster? A planet? A roiling ball of flaming nuclear explosion? A galaxy? Two? Just let it keep growing without judgment. Eventually it will use up all its own fuel.

Then note what’s left over. You’ll be shocked how often the answer is either “bliss” or “love.”

Paul Selig’s Guides say, “I am love through [this person], Word, I am Word;” Try that for any shameful memories that pop up.

Paul Selig is a quintessential—and highly regarded—example of a New Age medium. He claims to channel Guides: beings without bodies who collectively use him as a sort of radio receiver to provide us humans with help navigating manifestation in 3D reality.

His Guides offer a mantra that you can try out. This is already getting long, and I explore it more deeply in this older article, but the gist for Blissy Meditation is that, whenever a feeling of shame arises, you attack it with love.

Shame is different than the physical and emotional discomfort that we’ve been talking about so far. Shame is the driving force behind our present society’s self-destruction. Our inability to love ourselves makes us feel unworthy of receiving the love of others, which leads us to Other them as dangerous enemies.

Shame memories often have a perceived victim. To work this method, just say, “I am love through [this victim], Word, I am Word.” Continue offering love to each other participant in the memory, including yourself. Then finish by offering love to “all beings.”

If that’s too woo, stick around. I want to radicalize you. But alternatively, for now, you can follow Sharon Salzberg’s 10-day course on developing a lovingkindness practice.

If you can conjure palpable love reliably, your shame will melt when exposed to its heat.

Once it does, just return to your breath.

That’s it! That’s Blissy Meditation.

Try it out. Don’t you deserve a little bliss?