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KS Moon 🌕's avatar

Yes Geoffe, my experience echoes everything that you said. This is my eternal conundrum that I face is wanting to go on really really being in that place where I feel connected to everything, but finding myself eventually getting into the paranoia and mania, and then the inevitable fall. The doubt, and difficulty accessing how it felt in the ecstatic mindset.. and only being able to intellectualize that mindset, yet when I'm ecstatic again I have no problem understanding what was going on in my mind in the downswing. Then you talk of fitting in and being in groups, and then the alternative loneliness. I totally relate to all of that, and with this, as most things, I try to remember to aim at balance. As usual that's complicated because what does that look like and how does one do it, and then my mind goes to just remember that everything both is and isn't. But then if one can't believe, where does one find the resolve to be disciplined or committed to something? The decision paralysis. At some point I will move towards ecstasy again and feel like I know what I'm supposed to be doing and moving in the flow with it, wisdom seemingly pouring into my life from nowhere, and in the back of my head I wonder who's going to take advantage of me now in this state, or when will I lose my resolve and let this endeavor into friendship, or career, or passion crumble. Must riding these waves be extreme? And if they aren't extreme, is it because I'm just not letting myself feel? Sometimes I just don't know how I should be, and other times I am the opposite, I know, and I am God. I think the only place that maybe I will fit in is amongst others who riding those waves the same, but probably as usual the opposite is also true. Well fuck 🤷🤔🥹🤗✌️💙 Thank you Geoffe... Kristin 🌝

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Mark Fessenden's avatar

like !

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